After a morning spent tearing my hair out whilst trying to get my self hosted account up and running and getting precisely nowhere, I got to work twenty minutes late and more determined than ever to dedicate my time doing something that I enjoy. Provided it doesn’t involve too much tech; I have discovered I am completely incapable when it comes to computers. An hour into my ‘chat’ with Rakesh it was clear that he and I were speaking entirely different languages; Rakesh – Computers, Me – Great Grandma trying to send a text message. After apologising profusely for being such an idiot I told him that I had to go to work and to just cancel my account.
So that was the first thing I quit today!
Work is quiet at the moment so the people I needed to speak to about handing in my notice were off running personal errands but when they finally were in the office at the same time I asked if I could have a chat with them in the Kitchen.
I’d like to hand in my notice.
“Oh no! Why?” – Shocked faces from both Mr and Mrs head of office
I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, I’m not going to competetor, I don’t want to work for another agency at all, I just don’t feel that this job is right for me.
Oh right….. do you have another job to go to? – Concerned faces
And what would you like to do instead?
I want to write a book. – I then feel foolish for saying this so add that I may also try and get back in to acting to make it all sound a bit more like something that I may actually be able to do.
Yes, well you are quite creative…. Well, we never thought it would be you who would resign, some of the others yes, but not you.
And that was the second time today that I quit!
A few months ago I didn’t think it would have been me either but something has changed recently, something about my outlook on life. I’m 33 and I don’t have any children and there may not be another time in my life when I am able to be truly selfish and do something that is just for me. I would love to be happy in my current job, I would love to be content and for a few years I was, but then I think how would I feel if I was still sitting in the same chair in ten years time and I know that this job isn’t for me. I would be utterly miserable if I knew that I was going to be doing this for the rest of my working life and if I don’t do this now then I will most likely never do it at all. And wouldn’t that be a shame 😉
I felt a knot unfurl in my stomach when I finally told them, a sense of relief.
Now that I’m home I feel something a little different. I keep telling myself that I’ve done the right thing, that I won’t regret this decision but there’s a niggly little voice in my head that is saying ‘what the hell have you just done!’ and it’s getting a little harder to ignore.
Have I done the right thing? I don’t know, but I do know that if I keep doubting that I have I will certainly fail. So, I need to tell myself every day that I am doing this for the right reasons and it is most certainly the right thing to have done, that there was no better option, that I will succeed no matter what. And hopefully I will drown out that negative little voice and really come to believe what I’m telling myself.
That’s the plan anyway!
I’ve been rabbiting on so much that I haven’t told you about my acting career. It may not be of interest to anyone anyway but I will make sure that I write a bit about it tomorrow as it may show that I do at least have some sort of idea as to what I’m getting in to.